


Wishing on a star.

by miltoran



Series: Save Me [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, akaashi is more hurt, all hail kenma, bokuto is hurt, both teams were mentioned briefly, brief mention of - Freeform, but not really, everyone is hurt because kuroo is dumb, kenma is the best, kuroo being too insecure, kuroo is dumb, kuroo runs a lot from his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miltoran/pseuds/miltoran
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou wasn't a brave man. He lied a lot, especially to himself. What he doesn't realize, however, his stupidity would cost him things he would never thought of it before.( continuation from 'mouthfuls of white tulips', told in Kuroo's perspective. May be read as standalone. )





	

The thing is, Kuroo Tetsurou was never a brave man.

He stood tall among his friends, he charms his fans with his smiles, he made his enemies weak by his words alone, and he also lead his team from hardships and tight bonds to victorious gleam that they always hoping for. A dream that kept their heart into the game, and mind that would find ways to make it happen.

He was known as cunning, named as the ‘scheming captain’, known as a ‘master of blocking’ by his ability to see and read every hit they gave to him, and talk like he knew things others didn’t, and those things could easily changes into blackmail that could _crush_ anyone in heartbeat.

While in truth, that was just combination of his luck, and his natural state of being lazy and of hardships he faces through his life.

He let them believe what they want to believe. Of how strong he was, how arrogant he seem to be among his enemies, of how charming he could be towards his fans or anyone who’s interested in him. Of how _perfect_ the Captain of Nekoma Volleyball Team was inside and outside.

Kuroo Tetsurou was a type of man who would hide his true feelings and run away from reality, at least until he was able to face it, or until he finally realizes how late it was. Usually it was the later part, too.

He wasn’t brave, he never was. And most importantly, he _lies_ a lot. To his parents, to his friends, even to himself.

Especially to himself.

-x-

It was on a hot summer day when he met with Bokuto.

Their schools had one of those friendly match that were invited to see how much they have grown after practicing by themselves and now faces off with another team that could possibly won the next Cup. He was still a new member back then, still too shy to stand among his seniors and others, but he was burning with determination and excitement of playing volleyball, of _facing_ another strong team as what he hears from others.

There he met with a funny kid with weird white hair and strangely captivating golden eyes. The said funny kid greeted him loudly with a high level maximum of energy that could be heard in his voice, and even radiated from his aura alone. He was also a new member, often reminded by his white-clad seniors to be quiet and calm down for a moment, or he would be sent for another run laps around the large school they have.

It made the weird kid, Bokuto was his name from what Kuroo learnt, stayed silent for few moments, before the chattering began again in equal positivity as before.

Kuroo likes it. He thinks _bright_ word would fit Bokuto very well.

They hit off together nicely, like as if Kuroo met with a _soulmate_ he never knew he had in his current or past life. Even though there was something missing in his heart, Kuroo couldn’t help but liking the full feeling he had inside his chest. A familiar feeling of loving, more than how his mother’s would be, more than how he watched the volleyball match for the first time when he was a kid, more than his love towards volleyball itself.

His heart beats fast every time he talk to Bokuto, and it grows more and more each day.

But somehow, it felt wrong.

-x-

It was another summer when Kuroo met with Akaashi.

Another summer, a year after the last friendly match their school held. They met on the competitions, on the several of Cups, but they don’t have much free time to talk and laugh together. Too focused on the match, running wild with adrenaline and high on the victorious feeling they felt when they won a set.

When they meet again, they both are Captains of their ships. Stronger than before, older, taller and smarter. They grew up from a pair of newbies to a cheerful Captains that inspires their teams. They are still friends, with certain feelings that couldn’t be named nor placed. And yet Kuroo was fine with that. He wasn’t sure he could handle it, after all. A coward, every day.

And then Bokuto introduce him towards his team’s newest setter, a beautiful boy with cold eyes that somehow fit him well. He spoke softly towards him, with his voice like a melody in Kuroo’s ears, and even with his face ever so stoic like it never changes at all.

There was a similar feeling blooms in his chest for this new boy he had just met. The warm feeling of wanting, admiring and dare he say, liking. It confuses him greatly. Perhaps it was a fleeting feeling, he tried to assure himself. Perhaps it was.

Kuroo didn’t miss the way Akaashi’s eyes swept across Bokuto from now and then, how those cold eyes willingly softens whenever Bokuto made a joke or laughs at something, how his pretty plump lips could twitch into something that might be a smile that could easily blends with his pale white face. Nor the way Akaashi spoke of Bokuto’s name in certain kind of voice that could be called as _fond_ , and chided him in soft tones. Kuroo was a smart man, he was a captain that his teams was afraid of. He knew how to read people, and what does those means.

He also didn’t miss the way Akaashi’s eyes hardens whenever Bokuto came too close to Kuroo, nor when he had to revert his eyes somewhere else when his Captain clung to their rival, or how Kuroo can see _pain_ written in those beautiful face whenever Bokuto sets his attention solely for Kuroo.

He knows. He notices. He read every one of them quietly as subtle as he could. He likes the challenge, of the dangerous feeling he felt, like a possessive way of a lover wanting to test a new comer’s mentality.

The feeling in his chest grows for Akaashi, and he’s afraid of it.

-x-

It was an unplanned moment when Akaashi found him and Bokuto in the park.

He was playing with Bokuto, a basketball as a diversion because they don’t have volleyball net around the park, and they have been reminded countless times by the locals around to not play _dangerous_ sports where children play in. They could hurt them, and thus was the reason for the basketball.

They weren’t the best players, of how their hands would form into another type of shooting, how Kuroo’s hand would instinctually goes to block rather than receiving it, or how Bokuto hurt his hands for more than once because he was _slapping_ the ball, not dumping it.

However, their game stopped the moment Bokuto whined about something gotten into his eyes, and it annoys him a lot to the point it’s starting to create touches of red color in Bokuto’s golden iris. Kuroo laughs of how funny it was.

They paused the game so that Kuroo could step closer, to blew Bokuto’s eye in hope to make it better, despite how late it was.

That was the moment he saw Akaashi by the corner of his eyes.

Kuroo knew how close he was with Bokuto. He had heard passers-by coo-ing towards them when he helped Bokuto, after all. He didn’t know how long Akaashi stood there, motionless. Nor if he saw how it started at all.

It makes him wanting to laugh again, as he moves his head slightly towards another side, and placed a small peck on Bokuto’s eyelids. There he watched Akaashi turned back, and leave his sight in rush.

“ _what was that for?_ ” Bokuto asked, curious why would Kuroo gave him a kiss. His eyebrow furrowed in confused look, and his slightly mismatched eyes watched him with great wonder.

“ _nothing,_ ” he said, smiling widely towards his friend, “ _i just want to do that._ ”

He does. And he felt delighted.

-x-

Kuroo was playing a very dangerous game, and he knew it.

It was like a game that Kenma would always pester about to him in one of their countless sleep overs as a tradition between the two of them since childhood. He listens to Kenma well, it was very unusual for Kenma to ramble out things in normal life, and thus was one of the reason he was willing to listen Kenma talks about his games.

Kuroo knew the rules, of how it was made and what limitations it held. He knew the players, and things that could connect or break their relationship apart. But he doesn’t know the consequences, nor what route he must choose to get the ending he wanted. _If_ there was an ending. There are no cheats or whatsoever in this game, or any ‘try again?’ signs that would pop-out like whenever he died in fighting game against Kenma. There are no descriptions nor spoilers. Only fate, and luck.

It doesn’t, however, felt like a game to him whenever Akaashi talk to him, or chats and send him messages of daily things.

It felt like a _dream_.

It made him waits anxiously for every replies, how it would make him uncomfortable whenever Akaashi replied too long without telling him where he goes, of how a short message would create a huge soft grin on his face as he reads and replied back excitedly, of how it slowly changes him as his friends told him.

It felt like a joke when Akaashi sent him _those_ words, however.

They were talking about Bokuto. About girls, about boys, about everyone around them in their high school life that they found funny and gossips about them. Kuroo told Akaashi that one of the girls came out to him and asked him if he dated anyone from the rival school. He countered her question with one of his own asking what does she means, and then she said that she thought he dated Bokuto because she and her friends saw them hanging out a lot together and always seen very close in every matches.

Kuroo only laughed at her, and said that, no, he wasn’t dating Bokuto. He wasn’t dating anyone, to be truth. That, really, why would anyone date him? He said that he jokingly asked the girl if she wants to date him, which she quickly turns red and said no.

That was where the next text came, made him stop breathing.

“ _date me instead, kuroo-san_.”

Five words. _Five_ damn words that struck him like lightning, that made him stop for a moment and wonders if he’s dreaming or not at that exact moment. That if it’s _really_ Akaashi who sent him that, where he waits for _five_ minutes for Akaashi to send another text and said he was joking and he didn’t meant it that way. Five words that made his heart beats faster, and the world felt like it stayed still for a meaningless moment. He breathes in, trying to get his frozen brain work to tastes the reality again from the dream he felt.

The text never came. Akaashi didn’t correct his text, nor send another one to changes the conversation’s topic. Akaashi let him to decide to either _went_ with it, or to _run_ again like how he always ended up to.

In the end, he run. He run away like how he always was, hiding his feelings and ignoring the screams of his heart to man up and tell him that _yes let’s date_ was the correct answer for the setter’s text that he left hanging. His mind repeated the words of ‘ _its wrong_ ’ like a mantra as he locked his phone and set it down into the table next to his bed as he burrows his head into his pillow like how usually he slept, only that this time he hoped that he would choke on the black comfortable comfort to tell him how wrong he was to run away in situation like this.

He dreamed of failure and of blood red flower petals. Of a familiar pale skin and puff of black hair, with tears falling from cold eyes that judges him for his choice.

He dreamt of an owl fly away from his grasp. And how he fell down into an endless abyss that made his heart crawl in fear and regret.

When he woke up the next morning, Kuroo send another text to Akaashi as an answer. A pitiful choice of words in the situation he was currently in. Tried to act normal, and didn’t think how much his chest hurting from inside.

-x-

“ _what are you doing?_ ” Kenma asked him in one of their usual routine of going home together, eyes not leaving the screen of gaming console that he held carefully in his hands as they both walk alongside together side by side to the train station.

“ _what do you mean what am i doing?_ ” He asked back, locking his phone after sending a message towards Akaashi that tells him he was on his way home right now with Kenma, before putting his phone back to his pocket so that he could talk to Kenma without having to split his attentions.

“ _the thing you are doing to akaashi. and bokuto._ ” Kenma said, letting out a grunt when he finally finished the annoying lackey in the game he was trying to beat for the third time, “ _i don’t understand with you sometimes. if you loved both, then why are you being mean to akaashi?_ ”

Kenma never fails to surprise him, it seems. Kuroo only stayed silent after that, trying to process the question Kenma asked him, and dealing with his conflicted feeling inside his chest. That was true, he realizes quietly.

He loved both of them, Bokuto and Akaashi. He knew Bokuto would love him back, he knew his friend well and they have crossed the ‘friendship’ bridge far more than Kuroo could remember. They are both open minded people, they wouldn’t mind to add another player in their game they were playing now. He knew Akaashi have a certain fondness towards Bokuto.

But the question is, does Akaashi to him?

The rejection would hurt him more than humiliation, he knew that. And yet. He’s not sure.

What if he was wrong? What if Akaashi hates him?

Kuroo have crossed the line countless times, he wasn’t sure if he could even forgive himself.

The ride to home was quiet, with how Kuroo was occupied with his mind all ride along, even when they walked into their neighborhood and stopped in front of Kenma’s house for the first thing like usual.

The setter preens at him with understanding look on his face, and gave a gentle pat on Kuroo’s hand before he went inside.

“ _i know you, kuro,_ ” Kenma softly said, “ _please don’t destroy yourself this time_.”

He didn’t know if he could.

-x-

The day he finally dated Bokuto Koutarou was one of his happiest day in his pitiful life.

He wouldn’t dream himself dating the famous Bokuto, actually he never even have the thought of it. Sure, he loves Bokuto, he loves every positive and negative traight the owl-faced boy have. Bokuto was perfect, why would he date someone like Kuroo?

But he realizes how Bokuto’s smile gotten bigger, how his eyes would lit in certain way, and how he would always felt the touch of warm comfort of Bokuto’s body heat. How his heart would still beats fast whenever he heard Bokuto’s name, and whenever they held one of those late night calls.

He was happy. But he never saw Akaashi again since then.

Bokuto told him that Akaashi was acting strange day by day, that strangely there are flower petals covering the court’s floor whenever they finishes practice, and how Akaashi never hangs out with them ever again.

Kuroo worries. His chest hurt whenever he thought about Akaashi, a familiar crept of fear clung onto his mind and heart as he wonders what might happen towards the setter, or why it made guilt crawl into his beating heart.

But Bokuto was there to put smiles on his face, to laugh with him and share brightest memories together as a couple, a _lover_. Something that Kuroo himself doesn’t know that he will have the chance to feel it.

The other club members slowly notices their not-so-subtle affections towards each other. It wasn’t long before the whole teams knew about their relationship. And they were happy for them, cheering on them and even throw a party to celebrate their relationships.

It was perfect. It really was. Their relationship lasted for a while. And while so, Kuroo’s mind was clouded with Akaashi’s disappearances and weird movements.

It was perfect. At least, until Bokuto realizes that he didn’t have Kuroo’s heart fully for himself.

-x-

“ _you love him, don’t you?_ ”

-x-

The question came like a bullet. Took him by surprise, as he heard how much pain Bokuto held in his voice when they talked in hushed tones.

Kuroo watched uncertainty clouded Bokuto’s eyes, mixed with pain and _hurt_ in those bright golden eyes that he fell in love to. He never seen Bokuto this serious, really. Not even in courts nor national volleyball matches. This seriousness have certain aura that makes Kuroo realize that, _ah he really love playing with fire_.

A good relationship came with a good communication. If Kuroo lied right now, things would come really bad for him. For both of them.

He tells Bokuto the truth.

-x-

“ _yes. yes, i do love him, and i’m sorry._ ”

-x-

They fought.

They fought a lot, and it wasn’t pretty. It really wasn’t.

They fought like men, and men fought with their fists. Not only with words, but also with anger, honesty and raw power.

They fought a lot, and Kuroo’s heart breaks in every second of it.

“ _bokuto, listen-_ “ he said, placing his hands on each of Bokuto’s face sides, and lend their foreheads to touch together as he whispers to the love of his life, knuckles torn and nose bleeding, and his voice raw from screaming.

“- _i love you. i really, really love you with all of my heart. and i love akaashi as much as i love you. my love for both of you bloomed together at the same time. i don’t lie to you, i **won’t** lie to you, bokuto. i would never lie, okay. i love you, i love akaashi. i love you both equally, at the same time, from back then and even now. please believe me, please-_ “

Bokuto did.

They held each other right there, whispering soft words of “ _i love you_ ”s and “ _i believe in you_ ”.

Kuroo loves him, and Akaashi, with all of his heart.

He won’t run any more.

But life never would be merciful to him.

-x-

These days, Kuroo felt and look like a zombie.

He didn’t responds to anyone’s call, barely able to understand what day or what time it currently was. He didn’t sense the world moving around him, nor if the oxygen was keeping him alive in a reality or a nightmare.

He was lost. He wasn’t himself.

He only prepares enough before he finally went face to face with the tomb of Akaashi Keiji in unfamiliar graveyard.

Kuroo knew Bokuto was beside him, supporting him in this exact situation. And he was glad, _really_ glad because of it. Because Kuroo might lost himself even more if Bokuto wasn’t there as an anchor to him.

“ _hey, akaashi,_ ” he said, voice weak and creaked slightly at the end of his word, as it has been a while since the last time he truly spoke. This is it. This is where he finally stops running, because there are no any reasons for him to run from anything anymore. This was the last stop, the end he gotten in his own game.

A bad ending, if he might say. A failure. Something he fears and was the main reason he started running in the first place.

He failed. He fell too hard.

Kuroo touched the cold stone in front of him, tears falling down freely from his eyes as he came closer to put his forehead onto the tomb stone, choking on a sob as he tried to speak the words he’s been wanting to say to the certain black haired boy. Someone who he would never see again. Someone who he _lost_ because of _how stupid he was_.

“ _did you know that i love you too?_ ”

Kuroo cried. He stopped running from his fear because he failed. Because he was scared to tell the truth, and now he have to feel the guilt and regret growing on his chest each day till the day he die.

Kuroo cried. He cried hard. He poured his feelings in front of his greatest failure, in front of what could be his lover. Of one who he could make them happy with him and Bokuto. They could be happy, if only Kuroo wasn’t a coward who runs, and runs from his feelings.

Kuroo cried, because part of him died along with Akaashi, six feet underneath where he said his last goodbye.

 

 **End**.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I say a continuation, but it might be another different story inspired by it???
> 
> Would like to thank [vikarios](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vikarios/pseuds/vikarios) for letting me write on Kuroo's perspective in her '[mouthfuls of white tulips](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8818129)' story! Ily man, ily really.


End file.
